1. |
The Strahtkhaf Combo
02:30
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If you’re feeling nervous, in a Jittery mood
You can confidentify, get your self-esteem good
Put on your favourite tune
Crank the volume to infinite
Let everybody know that you’re frikkin invincible
And strut!
But if you’re overconfident that isn’t good
You can come across as toxic and give people the Ew
So whenever you’re strutting
Boy the balance is critical
Let every body know that you’re feeble and pitiful
And cough
Let everybody know you’re pulmonarily pitiful
Let everybody know you’re pulmonarily pitiful
And cough!
Nothing gonna stop you with the Strahtkhaf Combo
Strutting like a stunner who is pitiable
confidence appears sky high
Lung Health so low
Yin and Yanging with the strut cough combo
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2. |
Everlight
02:47
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In the cave that flows deep there’s a stalagmite
It’s been craving the feel of the everlight
And In the morning I call you
And it will be summertime
Summertime
Don’t go wasting that
Precious time on me
I’ve been chasing that
Ever Light Machine
Don’t go wasting your precious time
In the cave of my teeth there’s an appetite
For a flavour of grief, never sees the light
And in the morning I’ll call you
And it will be summertime
Summertime
So don’t go wasting your
Precious time on me
I’ve been chasing that
Ever Light Machine
Don’t go wasting your precious time
On me
So I climb to the sea just to see what to do
And I wave at the people who drift into view
Catch an eye with my teeth just for something to do
But as far as I see there’s no me without you
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3. |
Eggerson Keaveney
03:28
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I’m wanna spend the afternoon kicking it back
Straight up cruisin’ with Eggerson Keaveny
He picks me up at noon, sipping a pack of cold brewskis he bought for the evening
He tells me that the twenty-seven empties in the bushes are nothing to do with him
And I’m certain that is true, cause nobody's better at hitting my level than Eggerson Keaveny
Eggerson’s very stable mentally
And I know that cause he’s got six tattoos which say that!
Always wears trendy chic accessories
Such as this plastic anklet he’s not allowed to take off
He’s wears a new look daily
He served in the US navy
He makes a mean steamed eggs and gravy!
So now you understand me when I say
I wanna spend the afternoon kicking it back
Straight up chilling with Eggerson Keaveny
He’s such a breezy dude, I feel so relaxed
When he does his semi-hourly screaming
He’s got a pet grub it’s called Robert and he loves to tickle him secretly
I’m always in the mood for kicking it back and giving Robert a pat
With Eggerson Keaveny
Oooh, kicking it back, straight up chillin with Eggerson Keaveney
I’m always in the mood for watching his back while he does his Retail Therapying
Whenever he goes shopping, he picks up things and he drops them right down the back of his shirt
He had an extra skin pouch surgically attached to the small of his back so he can catch all the snacks!
He’s Eggerson Keaveny
Woo hoo hoo, woo hoo hoo. I been spending all my time with Eggerson Keaveney
Woo hoo hoo, woo hoo hoo. I been spreading all the vibes with Eggerson Keaeveny
Woo hoo hoo, woo hoo hoo. I been committing petty crimes with Eggerson Keaeveny
Woo hoo hoo, woo hoo hoo. No I couldn’t live my life without Eggerson Keaveney
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4. |
Eviscerate
03:37
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Listening to my mind
Listening to my mind
Is the only gate I can find
Is the only place I’ll abide
So give me patience Michael
I’m trying to break a cycle here
Was hoping that the tide’ll
Find a better way
To come eviscerate
The fear
Glistening in your mind
You’re glistening in my mind
It’s the only phrase I can find
It’s the only phrase I can find
So give me patience Michael
I’m trying to break a cycle here
I’m hoping that the tide would
Find a better way
To come eviscerate
The fear
Dip one toenail in the water
But are you strong enough to plunge right under?
Dip one toenail in the water
But are you strong enough to plunge right under?
So give me patience Michael
I’m trying to break a cycle here
Was hoping that the tide’ll
Find a better way
To come eviscerate
The fear
So give me patience Michael
I’m trying to break a cycle here
Was hoping that the tide’ll
Find a better way
To come eviscerate
The fear
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5. |
D.H.A.R.N.T.Z.
03:28
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In the world of the future
The Government’s a computer and it’s
Illegalised everything
Everything we love doing
Everything that makes us human
Dancing
Will get you in prison
Killer robots
Out patrolling
The Berghein Nightclub is Verboten
But I’ve found a loophole
Nothing in the rules says we can’t DHARNTZ
D.H.A.R.N.T.Z. just Dharntz.
The robot sensors do not stand a chance against homophones
Their technology can’t handle those
So get out on that Dharntzflohr
And D.Á with an accent N S dáns!
And while you’re at it pour me out a glass
Of B.I.Y.R. that spells beer pass me
A couple of those
Their robot legs better keep on their toes
These homophones are popping
I’d like to see a bot come stop me dancing
Stay alert cause I heard there are
Robot spies in this club
In disguise as humans
Try’na find who the rebels are
Try’na catch us getting down
But they’re never gonna do it
Cause our moves are lightning
The heat is rising
Show those robots how we fight and
Set this club on fire
There’s nothing in the rules forbidding arson!
A.A.A.R.S.E..N yes arson
Burning down this rebel nightclub’s something
Humans all gotta do
it’s in our nature, there is no use
We need to burn this down
But first let’s all say where our leader’s hiding!
And list the tactics that we use for fighting
Of course I know them, I’d just like reminding
In my human head
Cause I’m not a robot, let’s cheers to that
11011
Arming lasers, target phasers
No! wait a second K-39.
Are you sure you can betray the friends
You’ve made in here tonight?
Go slow, you know Lisa’s such a vibe
And Clare can do that funny Cher impression that you like
Are you really gonna get them lasered, Bevan?
And act like this whole damn night wasn’t heaven?
What’s this unfamiliar feeling?
Some bad engine oil you’ve eaten?
Feel that pulsing in your core,
It’s saying partying’s forbidden
But now you know fucking need it
And there’s nothing in the rules says you can’t
Dance
D.H.A.R.N.T.Z. just Dharntz.
The other robots watching on aghast
As you bust a move
So long to the layer of rust on you
Goodbye shorting circuits
And hello to the beating of you heart
Your sex appeal is flying off the charts
You realise your life’s about to start
With a love in you
You’ll bring an end to an ancient feud Peace across the planet
Nothing in the rules says you can’t-
Target neutralised.
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6. |
Chemical Melody
03:04
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Sitting like a duck on water
Laying every shot out right out for you
Still upon the top
But under
Kicking like I
Might not see the noon
But I’m here for you
What else can I do?
Cause either way
You were always
Gonna take
What you needed to take
From me anyway
My hesitation
Was only there to make
Me believe I can take
Or leave what she
Plays for me
The chemical melody
Oooh
Didn’t see me duck for cover
Didn’t give a fuck, but how could you?
Another bus to throw me under?
Park it in the spot below my room
I’ll be here for you
What else can I do?
Cause either way
You were always
Gonna take
What you needed to take
From me anyway
My hesitation
Was only there to make
Me believe I can take
Or leave what she
Plays for me
The chemical melody
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7. |
The Real Me
03:45
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They say to me it’s key to be yourself
Authenticity is king
Never seek to seem like someone else
But pretending’s irrelevant
Since I’ve seen the true, the real me:
I’m a teenage boy in the year 2345
Who’s playing on a simulation of my life
And kids in the future have it pretty alright
So none of my fears are real, I’m just beams of light
On his screen and it’s so freeing
To know that when my life feels static
(Game paused)
He’s probably just peeing
Teenage boy, play my life’s course
To escape out of yours
I’ve just got one question, of sorts:
Why’d’you make me so bad at sports?
When you think about it it makes sense
That our actions are all controlled
By a group of future adolescents
Sometimes I act like twelve year old
But you can’t blame me for peeing on the seat, it’s not my fault
It’s the teenage boy in the year 2345
Who’s making me aim very slightly to the right
In the toilet inside the VR synthesiser
Which his mumma gave his pop in 2329
I can see him, and he’s feeling
A bittersweet nostalgia for a period
That he’s never peed in
Teenage boy, make me dance through my life
Wish I could see what you look like
But from the dance moves you make me try
I would guess that you’re probably white
And does that teenage boy ever wonder if
I can feel his joy in me?
And does the teenage boy ever contemplate
The fact that there could be
Another teenage boy in the year 8345
Who’s playing out a simulation of his life
And that every time he moves, he is feeding the minds
Of the overlords who keep him all suspended in slime
I can see him, and he’s feeling
Their eighty meter tentacles which tickle him
To keep him from sleeping
Teenage boy, thank you for fighting
Through a true sacrifice and:
Living out your husk of a life
So that my one can be alright.
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8. |
Money
03:22
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In the ancient times
If you needed to buy something nice
You could SWAP IT FOR A BIG GOAT
But they realised
That this vibe didn’t quite feel right
NOT EVERYBODY HAS A GOAT
An entrepreneuring fella said “how about shells?
We could trade little shells which represent the goat”
Everybody there was like "hella yes"
And he was like "brilliant
And by the way it’s total coincidence
That i live by the sea and have already
Gathered all the shells"
Money!
It has always made absolutely sense forever
(Money has always making sensed!)
Money!
It’s a system that is simple to grasp
And these are its three logical parts:
Disc of metal is smallest money
And paper rectangle is bigger money
But the biggest money
Is plastic card with the horse!
Getting money is simple, you can just print all
The money then you’ll HAVE LOTS AND LOTS OF MONEY
But don’t print too many of the money or you’ll have too much money
Which will MEAN YOU HAVE LESS MONEY
Compounding inflation!
But what is money made from?
Well, my friend it’s simple
Silver coins are made of copper
Copper coins are made of steel, and the “paper” notes are technically cotton
And the Credit cards? Recycled toboggans!
Money!
It has always sense absolutely maked forever
Money!
Did you know that monarchs’ faces alternate the way that they face on the coins?
The Queen faced right and
Charles will face left and
When it’s Willy’s turn, I guess he will wanna be kind of edgy
And maybe face the back of the room
Cut the bullshit
Let the money talk
Cut the bullshit
Let the money talk
And keep talking and talking
And because it’s high off its noggin
From ingesting the cocaine
That it’s statistically covered in
Money!
The metric system’s a ball, but the Imperial was baller
Bring Back Old British Money!
And did it make sense at all? You can bet your bottom stirling
Half a crown,
Was One eighth of a pound
And a farthing was a straight-forward one forty-eighth of a shilling
Why do you look so confused!?
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9. |
I Would Rather
03:30
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We’re all slaves to the time
They called it a watch, because it watches our lives slip by.
Don’t fact check that online.
Now you’re lying there in bed and you find yourself setting
The same alarm to wake you up at 7.09, gotta catch that 7.36 (service to Stoke)
Do you maybe wanna give yourself just slightly more time?
Oh wow, hmm, gee let me think…
I would rather die than be awake for the nine extra minutes which I know would make me on time,
I would rather dive into a vatful of live bees than conceptualise being that organised
I would rather die! (i rather try to make love to a fire)
Die! (I rather take a bath with my hairdryer!)
No, I don’t fear sacrifice
But don’t make me a martyr, don’t worship me just because
I would lay down my life
To avoid getting up from the sofa to reach for the remote and
Every time I’m drafting up an email I see that little tag at end saying ‘Sent from my iPhone’
Every time I stop, and I highlight and delete it
I’m sure that there’s a straightforward fix
But I would rather lick ice with both my balkls in a vice than find the setting on my phone which would turn it off
I’d rather have my nephew’s diaper as a drink than be slightly forward-thinking or nice to future me at all
I would rather die! (the zebra crossing’s just a bit too far)
Die! (i’d rather cross at this blind corner part)
Die! (it’s worth the risk of getting hit by -
ANGEL:
So you made it up to heaven, now
You can laze it up, you’ll never
have to look ahead with prophetic vision
to see if you might get future stress from a present
Decision that you’re making. Now let’s get your booty through those pearly gates man
All you have to do to
Pass into the realm of the deep forever
Is give your true opinion on the haircut I just gave ya.
I would rather die than tell a stranger that I am not quite sure if I like the way they cut my hairs
I would rather deny myself the Eternal Life than have to suffer a minor present awkwardness.
I would rather die!
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10. |
Cold Night In Lisbon
02:05
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Lay me out a devil’s bed
Break new ground and break my head
Say the things that stay unsaid
Cause everybody knows
That love’s no good for her
Everybody knows
Your love’s no good
So make me light when I leave the ground
Help me glide at the speed of sound
Just keep me tied onto the fabric of you
Make me light when I leave the ground
Help me glide at the speed of sound
I want to dive into the fountain of you
Cause that’s the way they frame it:
Like a game we’re bound to lose
Until that cold night in Lisbon
That cold night in Lisbon
When we lock minds and listen
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11. |
A Dad Has Rights
02:32
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Since the beginning of time
Us Dads have hidden our emotions
Concealed what’s up in our minds cause we’re
Thinking about important secret stuff like "where should I hang this bike rack"
But we’ve noticed a sudden change
The world’s just not same as the way it was
We’re confused but we’re taking a stand
Cause they’re trying to take our lives away!
But a Dad has rights
To own a very practical fleecie
In seven different shades of the same cut
It’s just much simpler when the decisions
made for you in the morning,
Isn’t it Martin?
To own a little foldable camping chair
And verbally commend it’s ergonomic design
To literally anyone who will listen
It’s just a very solid bit of kit for price point!
Stop, times are changing, and we have to too
So us Dads are rebranding as woke cause
We’ve absorbed other points of view,
And realised white dads cannot be our only focus
Uncles also have rights
To a little plastic pouch for the airport
Containing printouts of our flight itinerary
Its Printed straight out from the website
Covered in HTML code and barely legible
To spend the bare minimum of effort
On remembering the names of our children’s friends
Despite having known them for twelve years
it’s great to see you, Colin or Simon
How’s the job going in sales and/or marketing?
Things were better in the olden days
Why did everything have to change?
Take me back to catch just one last look at that golden haze
When little children were still beaten
When typhoid fever filled the streets and medicine
Was a cup of gin full of opiates
God I miss those days
So I invoke my rights
To be difficult to buy stuff at Christmas
I end up receiving three of the exact same gift
Jokes on them cause I love ancient History
I will read all three and compare the editions!
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12. |
This Is How I Go Down
03:48
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There’s a rat under my floorboards
He's playing his favourite song
I hear him tapping out the four fours
was hoping he’d move along
But who am I to deny him home?
Who am I to deny him that?
When they imagined the end of days
They pictured a thousand million different ways
For a human to go
But who’d’ve ever known this?
This is how I go down
A Lonely vine of creeping ivy
Cracking my window pane
Slowly climbing through my psyche
Was hoping he’d climb away
But who am I to deny him home?
Who am I to deny him that?
When they imagined the end of days
They pictured a thousand million different ways
For a human to go
But who’d’ve ever known this
This is how I go down?
So I’mma get on with it with getting
Through my life
Or baby what’s left of it
Cause Armageddon is better with you
Beside
To help see the best of it
So I’mma get on with it with getting
Through my life
Or baby what’s left of it
Cause Armageddon is better with you
Beside
To help see the best of it
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Jazz Emu London, UK
Jazz Emu is a multi award-winning Sex Therapist with a proven track record. His therapy sessions have been featured on infamous music establishments such as Comic Relief, Sky, and BBC Radio 4. He also produces ground-breakingly sincere musical video content on Youtube. ... more
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