1. |
Ouverture
01:12
|
|||
2. |
You Can't Make Me Dance
03:19
|
|||
|
Mister DJ
I know you’re tryna take control of me
You’re so sneaky (cheeky man)
Tryna do away with my autonomy
But you can’t make me dance
Tonight
So you might as well stop the music
Cause you ain’t got a chance
Alright?
Of getting this body movin’, it’s refusing
Give up you’re clearly losing
Never gonna break it down
Check my tail feather. Do you see it shaking now?
I didn’t think so!
Both my leggies fully rigid in my trous
So still I’d make a statue envious
Ok I can see how (when I was movin’)
It looked a lot like I was boogyin
But I was just bending down (in time with the music)
Which gave a rhythmical illusion
If you saw me groovin’
You’re confused
How much fruit punch have you had?
See my booty shaken’?
You’re mistaken
You must’ve eaten something bad
How many fingers am I holding up?
No it’s three, thumbs don’t count
We should really get you checked out.
Cause you can’t make me dance
Tonight
You’re fighting a losing battle.
I’m in a rock hard stance.
I’m locked tight
You want my feet nomadic
It’s pathetic
Give up, I’m clearly static
You try to lure me with your energay
But I can fight you off so effortlesslay
I swear my neck’s not pumping to the beat
My friend Hugh
Said something true
I’m nodding because I agree
You’ll never make me dance
Tonight, no, no, no
I’m not doing macarena
These moves are just happenchance
Alright?
I’m just feeling for my wallet
It’s not my fault it
Looks so freakin’ flawless
Never gonna break it down
Check my tail feather. Do you see it shaking now?
I didn’t think so!
Both my leggies fully rigid in my trous
So still I’d make a statue envious
|
||||
3. |
My Brothe
02:57
|
|||
4. |
Shirt Collar
03:29
|
|||
|
I’m just getting home
And you help me with my coat
But there’s something on my neck that catches your eye
Oooh ooh, ooh ooh
Told you I was seeing friends
But you know that I’m pretending
And you can see from my eyes that i’m lying
And now i’ve got your eyes crying
Cause I’ve got lipstick my collar
And now you’re thinking that I love another
But it’s not what it looksa like, no
Girl i know this doesn’t looka right oh
But baby if you just let me explain myself
Okay, i’ve been kissing something else
But it’s not a human woman
That’s got me trippin’
It’s the collar of my shirt
Yeah it’s me who’s been kissing it
Putting on your lipstick, ooh
Giving a lotta kisses to
My shirt collar, shirt collar, too cute
My shirt collar, shirt collar, woo hoo
Get the shirt out sneakily
Getting hella freaky with
My shirt collar, shirt collar,
My shirt collar, shirt collar, woo hoo
There’s nothing in the bible saying that
It’s not okay to be physically intimate
With an object that’s essentially inanimate
Oooh, ooh, ooh, ooh.
What about consent?
Like if it’s got no mouth how could it say yes
You can put your mind at rest,
cause I asked for permish, it grew little lips
And said i’m a just cheeky collar and i’m actually really into this
Lipstick on my collar
I know it must be tough to discover
That your boyfriend has got a type, oh
And that type is a square white fold
In a button-down, cutaway or classic shape
And I’m not fussy ‘bout the fabric, babe
So if you’ve got a piece of linen
In neck position
Well don’t leave us in a room
Cause we’re gonna end up kissing, come on!
Putting on your lipstick, ooh
Giving a lotta kisses to
My shirt collar, shirt collar
My shirt collar, shirt collar
Get that shirt out sneakily
Getting hella freaky with
My shirt collar, shirt collar, my boo
My shirt collar, shirt collar, woo hoo
Ooooh if it’s a white collar crime
For a skinny white guy to have a really nice time
With his shirt collar, shirt collar
Then i guess i better get arrested
Ooooh if it’s a white collar crime
For a skinny white guy to have a really nice time
With his shirt collar, shirt collar
Then i guess i better get arrested
|
||||
5. |
||||
|
You cut me to the quick
But that doesn’t even cover the half of it
You bucked me like a fish
Just swap the first letters and you’ve cut to the heart of it
Drain the life blood from me one more time
Just suck me dry
My brain is pining for that faded feeling
Aaah, you make me wanna die again, die again
Aaah, you make me wanna die again, die.
Strap her in a vest
Send her in to blow up my heart again
Daddy knows best
So dress me in a flattering cardigan.
Sip from your cup
wouldn’t stop
Until I hit rock bottom
Re-fill me up
Just to pull the stops and
Watch me bleed out
Aaah, you make me wanna die again, die again
Aaah, you make me wanna die again, die.
|
||||
6. |
Funkbot 10,000
03:39
|
|||
|
The scientists at CERN
were violently divided
Is it pronounced ‘guidance’
Or is it pronounced ‘guidance’
Physically fighting round
The Large Hadron collider
When suddenly a sound comes rumbling
From inside her
The boss of science opens up the lid
And from within a metal thing
Comes out with arms and legs and shit
A trumpet pokes out of its head,
It opens up its mouth and says
Funkbot 10,000 (I’m a funky robot)
He travelled here through time and space, to fix the shit that needs sorting
Funkbot 10,000
The scientists put down their fists and all take up the jazz organ
Two wicked criminals, doing the unthinkable
Robbing a civilian; the pinnacle of pitiful
He acting tough but they call his bluff
Saying “give us your stuff or we’ll kill you and stuff”
But suddenly a sound comes from behind,
A funky riff keeping perfect time:
Funkbot 10,000
The thugs became masseuses and both gave the man a nice facial.
Funkbot, so arousing
Just plug him in and you’ll see all his sexy-thrust-hip gyrations
When life gets tough and causes you to fret
If you’re feeling overwhelmed by insurmountable consumer debt
Don’t fret on taxes, no stress with
rent bills
Funkbots got saxes in place of his genitals
Thank you Funkbot, that lick was nice
But do you have any actual financial advice?
Funkbot 10,000
Funk funky funk funk.
A man lies dying on the floor,
He’s broken 10 ribs, heck maybe more
Funkbot to the rescue, dam
That’s one hell of a funky jam
|
||||
7. |
Plan Of Attack
02:22
|
|||
|
When life threw you a curveball before you hit it back
But now you feel it’s too much to deal with, so here’s a little plan of attack
Boy you better give up
Before you let yourself down (it’s evident that you’re never gonna do it)
You bit off too much for you to chew, such
A sad little maggoty clown
You’re a limp little fuck
Nobody wants you around (not relevant, but it’s technically true)
You’re a boneless worm whose only purpose
Is eating lumps of mud off the ground
So you better give up
Oooh, you’ve got potential for being a huge disappoint
Ooooh, your presence alone drains my own will to do stuff
I hate to ask you
To pack it up now
To throw in the towel
But that’s a basic task dude
and I don’t know how
But you’re fucking it up
You threw an actual towel (it’s not really what i meant in the verse)
Now it’s got all tangled round your ankles
and you’ve fallen in some shit on the ground
It was a figure of speech
Why would I mean a real towel? (Oh god now you’re making it worse)
Your foot is stuck in a fucking bucket
And every step it’s a making a sound
Oooh, why the hell do you have all this cleaning equipment to hand?
Oooh, “kick the bucket” isn’t even a relevant idiom to this situation.
|
||||
8. |
Oozing
03:16
|
|||
|
Human doormat
You’ve seen him before that
sad mammal too frightened to talk back
Wet flannel you wipe on the floor man this is the format:
Excuse me, sir, I think you’re in my seat
I’m sorry, check my ticket, it says 7B
I know all the other seats are full, I’m so sorry
Oh god why isn’t he moving he’s just staring at me silently
I’m not trying to distract from the situation
But there’s a hole between my ribs, liquid’s seeping out
I wonder why this always happens during confrontations.
But then I work it out...
And I’m like
Oh dear me
It seems I’ve sprung a leak
Can you fetch me a bucket?
Cause I’m oozing confidence
It’s a self-assurance feast
And I’m all-that-you-can-eat
So grab a dish for the buffet
I’m oozing confidence
Look back to the chair and
You’re still staring aaahhh
But I’m impervious
I’m not nervous ahhhh
Cause I know how to resolve this situation
I grab the hole between my ribs, pull it bigger now
But from hole comes a sad little micturition
And now I’m freaking out. It’s a self-assurance drought.
And I’m like
Oh no I
Didn’t plug the leak in time
Can’t believe i didn’t plug it
That’s pure incompetence
And now I see you’ve realised
That I oozed myself bone dry
Tenacity starts to plummet
I’m losing confidence
Now that I think about it I reckon I would actually prefer standing
I was never one to shirk a challenge,
and what better test of mettle than
standing seven hours in the quiet carriage?
I actually like the feel of lactic acid,
Stacking in my legs while I’m fully static
Don’t you think lactic acid is actually sick
It’s like your muscles are still, but they’re filling up with acidic milk
At least I think that’s what lactic acid is?
I know i’m distracting from the present practicalities
In summation you can keep the seat
And i’ll keep on my feet and you can eat my KitKat
Sure, looks like you’ve helped yourself already
No problem, they’re built for sharing
Okay you’ve gone and eaten the whole thing yourself
That’s actually great, cause i’m trying watch my health.
Is there anything I can get you? A napkin.
|
||||
9. |
Kneecaps
03:28
|
|||
|
My friends say I get intense when I’ve been drinking
(that can’t be right)
They say that I do weird shit and get kind of abrasive
(what a load of bullshhh)
I intend on bringing an end to their erroneous thinking
(tonight’s the night)
So I wait for a natural break in their conversation
And then I whip my kneecaps out
(just to relax them)
And the whole room falls to silence
(and I can tell by their expressions that I’m impressing… them)
I know what they’re thinking: wow
(my secret weapon)
This fella has got the finest
Patellas I wish that mine were like his
I didn’t
Oooh, oohh whipping my kneecaps out
Oooh, ooh, increasing my social clout
Oooh, ooh, there’s not a single doubt
That when they see my kneecap everybody’s feeling comfortable
Oooh, oohh whipping my kneecaps out
Oooh, ooh, increasing my social clout
Oooh, ooh, there’s not a single doubt
That they like to see my kneecap resting lightly on the coffee table
My work here is done so I leave them all stunned and I head to the bathroom
But I find my buddy Richie in tears drinking beer from an antique jug
He says he got dumped by Amanda Du Champ man I feel so bad for him
So I open up my arms to give him a hug
Wait a second
I should whip my kneecaps out
(and so i do it)
And he instantly stops crying
(he’s staring blankly at me and I know what that means)
It means that he’s thinking: wow
(I can’t believe it)
This fella has got the finest
Patellas I wish that mine were like his
I didn’t think a knee could be stylish
Now my friends sit me down, it’s an intervention
You gotta stop whipping out your kneecaps it’s too intense man
We’re trying have nice time, and you’re killing the vibe
You’re freaking out the dog, and you made James cry
Well reverse psychology doesn’t work on me
It’s so clear what the subtext is
They wanna see my kneecaps out
(they wanna goggle)
And honestly who can blame them
(I only see them from above and even I’m falling in love)
They’ve got such a potent power
(such massive knobbles)
No human force could tame them
I’m not to blame that by comparison James’ kneecaps
are so freaking lame, man.
Oooh, oohh whipping my kneecaps out
Oooh, ooh, increasing my social clout
Oooh, ooh, you’re wondering how I get them out?
Well it’s just simple hatch that I sowed in my jeans
Oooh, oohh whipping my kneecaps out
Oooh, ooh, increasing my social clout
Oooh, ooh,they're too cool not to flout
I wear my kneecaps backwards to make me look even cooler.
I could stop an entire crowd
Wearing caps backwards
|
||||
10. |
Potato
03:09
|
|||
|
Washing some spuds
Chopping them up
Cooking my lunch:
Janssons Frestelse
Swedish casserole
But while I’m chopping
I drop a chunk and
It makes me stoppen:
What in the Hellse?
It switched my bluetooth on
Did you know you can control your phone with a piece of potato? Have you tried it bro?
Did they mean for my LCD screen to be responsive to a root vegetable?
What’s the point of this functionality? Are they catering for potaters with opposable thumbs that can read?
I can’t help thinking that must be a pretty limited market, but wait now my brain is all like:
Maybe the CEO of Apple Tim Cook is secretly a potato disguised as human
Who’s worked his way into the boardroom, and he keeps trying to subtly pitch features specifically geared towards potatoes, and he’s like:
Greetings fellow humans, and they’re like I hate how he starts every meeting like that, typical corporate executive can’t remember anyone’s name
And he’s like: I’ve got an idea for an app,
And does it have broad appeal because honestly most of your recent ideas have been unworkably specific
And he’s like: have you heard of Uber?
And they’re like: the biggest ride-hailing app in the world yes i think we’ve all heard of that
And he’s like: I’m just spitballing here, but what about Tuber? An app that matches tuberous roots for the purpose of the getting freaky asexually
And they’re like: again we’re not sure there’s a demographic for this. It’s kind of the same as your idea for an app that destroys all the world’s peelers. Also can we address that as CEO, you shouldn’t really be pitching apps? It’s really more of a sales and operations role.
And he’s like
Did you know you can control your phone with a piece of potato? No me either, bro.
Have you seen if it touches the screen you can personal hotspot enable
What a random bit of functionality, I wonder how that happened hahaha it’s a real mystery
No i don’t think that someone could’ve tampered with the schematics
|
||||
11. |
Microwave
01:05
|
|||
|
Does anybody actually know
what the different power modes
on the front of a microwave do?
They give you so much control
It's like how would I know which of these numbers
Gonna heat my cockaleekie soup?
If you go to low
The edge comes out cold but the middle is a fucking inferno
And on highest mode
When you take out the bowl
The crockery is hot enough to make you infertile
|
||||
12. |
Hœrgüpjelly Kisses
03:20
|
|||
|
You can taste it on my lips, ooh
My Hœrgüpjelly Kisses
Replace your five a day with this (Hœrgüpjelly)
It’s got all the right nutritions
Yes, of course it’s real food (genuine)
What do you mean it sounds made up?
Why you being so suspicious?
I guess you’ll have to kiss my lips
So you can check if it’s fictitious.
The Hœrgüpjelly is a rare delicacy
And only a few have been fortunate enough to
taste it, it’s like a jelly but with the taste of a crepe
If a crepe was the shape of a muesli bar
It’s kind of hard to describe.
But if i had to put a name to it
I’d say the main flavour is love
What a coincidence. Love tastes exactly the same as my regular lips
You can taste it on my lips
My Hœrgüpjelly kisses
Okay so Google says it don’t exist (he lies, he lies)
But girl they cook it in Mauritius
And I can take you there, baby
Well, not physically
Probably can’t afford the tickets
But you could taste it on my lips
And it’ll take you there in spirit.
Yeah, I can’t believe you’re not intrigued
To taste so rare a rarity
As freshly squeezed Hœrgüpjelly
Yeah, well that’s your loss you philistine
I don’t care, in fact i’m pleased
It just means more Hœrgüp for me
You can taste it on my lips
My Hœrgüpjelly kisses
I rub the Hœrgüp on the tip
And it grants me thirty wishes
And every single wish I make
Is for you to want to love me on your own conditions
Cause love is something you can’t fake
It can’t be pressured with deception.
|
||||
13. |
Perkeo
02:17
|
|||
|
Let’s play a game
It’s called watching me play the fool
I know you like to play
In fact I think you’re making up the rules.
It goes like
Step one: poke fun
Hit me with a home run
Then push my body through the cracks
Step two: ring true
I’ll put my heart on line for you
And you can never call me back.
You can never call me back.
Oh, if you push then i’ll fall
Oh, I’m a pull-string rag doll
I’m too stubborn,
Can’t stop me loving you.
I’m like rubber
I bounce back off of you.
I’m too stubborn,
Can’t stop me loving you.
I’m like rubber
I bounce back off of you.
|
||||
14. |
Nice
04:18
|
|||
|
If I tried to count all the times I feel like
I’ve put my foot in it
I think my brain would probably implode
So I try to disguise them in lines full of jokes
To feel a little bit better
But in hindsight that just made me feel worse
I don’t mean getting fist bumps wrong
Though it’s true that I’ve done that once
Let me tell you it is extremely awkward
I’m talking about when I hurt someone
typically cause I’m showing off
Forget to care about their feelings
You’d really think that I would have learnt my lesson by now
But feeling like i’ve been a bit much kind of feels like a crutch to me now
Does anybody else feel like
Sometimes
They’re just being nice
Cause it’s what you’re supposed to do?
Does anyone else feel like
They’re trying to hide
The piece of shit that’s inside
Is that not what you’re supposed to do?
And I know people say that it’s all in my head
No one cares what you said except you
But that’s not true and it shouldn’t be
And it’s that single thought
That’ll get my brain stuck every time
Is there an evolutionary advantage
To dwelling on all this shit?
Because if there is, I’d like to hear it
Is my brain trying to teach me a lesson here?
Not to be so dam ham-fisted?
Because if it is, it isn’t working
You’d really think that I would have learnt my lesson by now
But getting stuck in this rut kind of feels like a crutch to me now
Does anybody else feel like
Sometimes
They’re just being nice
Cause it’s what you’re supposed to do?
Does anybody else feel like
the side of their mind
That just does what it likes
Is the side they’re supposed to use?
Break free from the social shackles!
Break free from your need to be liked by people !
Do you what you want with a disregard for consequences!
Break a dick to everyone, be a dick to everyone!
I'm gonna
Oooh, push over an old woman!
Oooh, do a questionable impression of a Honduran!
Oooh, engage in capitalism even more than I currently do!
Oooh, push over an old woman!
Oooh, do a questionable impression of a Honduran!
Oooh, engage in cannibalism even more than I currently do!
Oooh, push over an old woman!
Oooh, do a questionable impression of a Honduran!
Oooh, engage in capitalism even more than I currently do!
Oooh, push over an old woman!
Oooh, do a questionable impression of a Honduran!
Oooh, engage in cannibalism even more than I currently do!
|
||||
Jazz Emu London, UK
Jazz Emu is a multi award-winning Sex Therapist with a proven track record. His therapy sessions have been featured on infamous music establishments such as Comic Relief, Sky, and BBC Radio 4. He also produces ground-breakingly sincere musical video content on Youtube. ... more
If you like Jazz Emu, you may also like:
supported by 32 fans who also own “Humilis”
You’re hilarious & stupidly talented but you probably know that. I don’t work here is a cleansing anthem at the end is a hard day at work.
go to album
supported by 24 fans who also own “Humilis”
Good music to think about better times and cry to. Love from Canada!
go to album
Co-founder of Public Works Records Oly steps out on her own on this beautifully moody EP wrapped in misty synths.
go to album
Sensual R&B vocals co-mingle with eccentric pop beats and soulful finesse on the Brooklyn duo's latest.
go to album
featured on Bandcamp Radio Jan 31, 2017
go to album
supported by 23 fans who also own “Humilis”
Found this through my poor Spotify trying desperately to find what I might like to listen to. Not at all my normal type of music but it actually made me stop and listen. Delightful from beginning to end. It's gone onto my DAP to become part of my normal rotation of music.
go to album
