1. |
Get It Right
03:13
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It’s enough to drive you crazy
But crazy isn’t enough for me
I’ve been freakin’ out just lately
That all my are freakouts are incomplete
I get stuck on the details
I can never send an email
Because I need to always
Get It Right
If I’m starting something
You just might
Get to see me in a different light
If you’re starting something
Get It Right
And I’ll get it right too
We’re all fielding for perfection
And only some are gonna make the catch
I sing to my reflection
And a perfect vocal echoes back
When you’re a perfectionist
Your sentences can never fini-
Why do I have to always
Get It Right?
If I’m starting something
You just might
Get to see me in a different light
If you’re starting something
Get It Right
And I’ll get it right too
Why can’t things ever be enough?
Why do I ask for far too much?
Why can’t I end what I’ve begun?
There’s irony in giving up.
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2. |
Light Touch
02:59
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There’s no I in team
But there is an M and an E
And that spells me
But I don’t attention seek
I’m hiding in the corner, don’t look at me (so shy)
I wanna buy you flowers and sparkling wine But they cost 7.99
And all I’ve got is £7.95
I guess I’m just shy.
So it’s gonna take a light touch, honey
If you wanna pay attention to me Cause I don’t really like much, if I’m honest
I don’t look at mirrors, cause I’m even shy of me
No I don’t like the limelight
I don’t need that full fat sugar attention
I want that coca-cola lime light
I want that coca-cola lime light
I can only make eye contact out of the side of my face
(like a shy pigeon, coo coo)
Don’t think that I’m homophobic,
just because I’m avoiding your gaze.
When I aim at coconuts I never miss I’m a coconut shy boy
Baby I’m a Japanese freshwater fish,
I’m a carp. I’m so Koi.
It’s gonna take a light touch, honey
If you wanna pay attention to me
Cause I don’t really like much, if I’m honest
When I dance in public, I do it timidly
No I don’t like the limelight
I don’t need that full fat sugar attention
I want coca-cola lime light
I want that coca-cola lime light
Hiding behind a japanese fan
Hiding behind this tinny of guinness
Hiding behind my infinite hands
Hiding behind the concept of shyness
It’s gonna take a light touch, honey
If you wanna pay attention to me
Cause I don’t really like much, if I’m honest
When I dance in public, I do it timidly
No I don’t like the limelight
I don’t need that full fat sugar attention
I want coca-cola lime light
I want that coca-cola lime light
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3. |
Miami
02:42
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Living in the UK, the mediocre weather took a toll on me
That place wasn’t groovay, but i knew there was a city somewhere calling me
Miami.... we wear aviators on our eyelids
Miami... because everyone is chopper pilots
Miami... a carpenter would have a crisis
Seeing all our dirty vices
So why don’t you come visit - Miami?
The city that I’m proud to call my home
Muscle Beach is bitchin’ - So sandy!
Everyone is muscular and toned
And I definitely live here.
Miami vice? More like miami nice
Miami vice? More like miami nice
Getting round Miami, an open hood convertible is all you need
Waterproof on one side, and the other is a practical but sexy fleece.
Miami - the second biggest city in South Florida
I am not - copy-pasting this off wikipedia
Miami - has the highest density of crocodilia
Of all the Southern states [Citation needed]
So why don’t you come visit - Miami?
It’s in between Las Vegas and Japan
Mini-golf and fishing - Fresh scampi!
And ice cream from an old man in a van
I do not live in Sheringham.
He’s moving to the rhythm of Miami
He’s looking through the prism of Miami
It’s definitely true he’s living in Miami
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4. |
Taste Of You
02:44
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I never had an addictive personality
I’ve never eaten marijuana, crack or heroine (no no no not tasty)
But since you came into my life there’s been change in me
Now there’s only one thing that can get me ticking:
I’m addicted to the taste of you
I’m afflicted with a love for the flavour of your body
And I’m lickin’ every inch of you
And there’s only one way to kick the habit:
Going mmmm, cold turkey.
Mmmm, cold turkey.
Everybody says that you’re no good for me
The doctor tells me my love diet is unhealthy (so bad for you)
And a guy on twitter said that farms treat you unethically
But I just need to lick a slice of cold turkey. (wait what’s he talking about)
Cause I’m addicted to the taste of you (cold turkey)
I’m afflicted with a love for the flavour of your body
Sliced chicken ain’t no substitute (he’s talking about actual cold turkey)
It feels so good to gobble gobble on a gobbler.
Mmmm, cold turkey.
Mmmm, cold turkey.
I’m addicted to the taste of you
(245 million turkeys are killed every year for human consumption)
I’m addicted to the taste of you
(Meat is a rich source of the protein essential for a human diet.)
I’m addicted to the taste of you
(Vegetarians have a significantly lower risk of heart disease)
I’m addicted to the taste of you
(Eating meat is linked to the rapid development of the brain in early hominids.)
I’m addicted to the taste of you
(Studies have found that birds have strong analytical and problem solving skills.)
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5. |
Old Fashioned Lover
01:58
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You Need An Old-fashioned lover
Someone to make you feel so good
You Need An Old-fashioned lover
Someone to put you in the mood
Red wine and candles
Old-fashioned lover
Lying on rose petals
Old-fashioned lover
Bring back public executions
Old-fashioned lover
There’s no such thing as air pollution
Old-fashioned lover
You Need An Old-fashioned lover
Someone to make you feel so good
You Need An Old-fashioned lover
Someone to fight for your honour in a duel
Feeling homicidal
Meet me in the morn
Picking up my rifle
At the crack of dawn
Facing off my rival
Point of no return
Killing for survival
Avenge my honour scorned
You Need An Old-fashioned lover
Someone to make you feel so good
You Need An Old-fashioned lover
Someone to put you in the mood
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6. |
Hench
02:29
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When I need to decompress
When this crazy world around me’s got me feeling kinda stressed
I’ve got a method, it’s the best:
I get the feelings off my chest,
And replace them all with pecs.
I’m getting hench
I’ve got expertise in strength
I do the thing where you lift your legs up
And the one where you press the bench.
I’m getting hench, so hench
Abs like dry cement
Don’t look directly at them,
Cause you’ll find it too intense.
Working out, and working up a sweat
Ha ha ha ha ha
Running about, never running out of breath
Ha ha ha ha ha haaaaa
(inhaler pump)
When you’re hench, the struggle’s real
I got fired from a bakery for selling buns of steel
It’s difficult, it’s an ordeal
A woman called the cops on me
Cause she thought these guns were real
Hench, so hench
It’s a thirst I cannot quench
Friedrich Nietzsche you can eat your heart out;
I’m the Ubermensch
I’m hench, so hench
My biceps are immense
Alfred Hitchcock I could teach you
About making something tense
Oooh, baby I know your hungry
for my muscular body.
Oooh, but baby you’re gonna need to
eat some snack-a-jacks or something
Cause I’m busy getting hench
So hench I makes no sense
My muscular capacity’s at 110%
Hench, so hench
Look at my booty clench
Oui je suis aussi fort
Yes I am also hench in French.
Push up with two hands
Push up with one hand
Push up with no hands
Push up with someone else’s hands.
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7. |
Stop Playing Games
03:16
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B-b-b-b-baby
We met today, I gave you goosebumps
I hope you like mid-90s horror books.
You said you wouldn’t date me,
But now we’re up in my apartment
I can tell you’re tryna play games with me, and you’re in luck,
Cause I’ve got loads of games
How about 007: Agent Under Fire?
I’ll teach you how to use the grappling hook.
So come on over woman, I’m gonna treat you right
I’ll let you use the good controller
If you come on over woman
Sit on the couch with me, and move a little closer
So you can get a better look at the book of cheat codes-ah.
B-b-b-baby
I think I misread the situation.
I thought you came up for some PS2.
But b-b-b-baby
Now I see your real intention
It’s a different type of game with me, in another room,
You’ve come to the right place
I’ve got the Sims 2 setup on my bedroom desktop
I’ll let you drown Cordelia in the pool.
If you come on over woman, pull up the second chair
We can swap in 15 minutes
If you come on over a woman,
I know I’m taking a while, but I swear I’m nearly finished
They’re using the jacuzzi and I’m pretty enthused to make them do the business
Boy, stop playing games with me.
Just five more minutes, please.
Boy, stop playing games with me.
No don’t touch that cord.
Boy, stop playing games with me.
Ahhhh what the hell? I hadn’t saved my game.
Boy, stop playing games with me.
What so at your job would you just turn off the life support machines?
It is incredibly immature, what you’ve just done.
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8. |
Tiny Butt
01:44
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Damn, boy, look at that butt
Look at it wiggling, look at it strut
You could go to prison for a booty like that
So criminally small and illicitly flat.
Wearing chinos, leggings, jeans that you’re clad in
Hot pants, jeggings, the pants of Aladdin,
Tights, flares, trousers of satin:
So many clothes for this butt to look bad in.
Damn that ass is tiny
Such a microscopic heiny
An inferior posterior,
A seriously miniscule derriere
So come on boy, tell me how you do it
I got a microscope and I’m looking right through it
But I still can’t see ya booty, you better start tellin’ us
How your gluteus is so damn minimus.
Damn boy, look at that bott
I’m shook when I’m lookin’ at this booty paradox
Cause the space that it’s got ain’t a hell of a lot;
All I see is the space where the booty is not.
I’ve seen a few asses that just won’t quit
But your butt’s in a state of permanent rest.
And I’ve seen a few people with booty for days
But your booty’s for 22 minutes at best.
Damn that ass is tiny
Such a microscopic heiny
An inferior posterior,
A seriously miniscule derriere
So come on boy, tell me how you do it
I got a microscope and I’m looking right through it
But I still can’t see ya booty, you better start tellin’ us
How your gluteus is so damn minimus.
Damn boy, look at the butt
I love it when I see it there popping a squat
Other booties are peachy in their colour and shape
But your fruit is less peach and maybe more like a grape.
Just a skinny tall guy with a teeny butt,
You can look, but you shouldn’t touch.
Cause it’s dangerously thin; so thin that if you touch
It you gonna walk away with a paper cut
I don’t think you’re ready for this jelly
Cause this jelly is dense, and it’s packing a smack
It’s concentrated jelly, it’s a dangerous snack, it’s like
Eating undiluted jelly straight from the packet.
Damn that ass is tiny
Such a microscopic heiny
An inferior posterior,
A seriously miniscule derriere
So come on boy, tell me how you do it
I got a microscope and I’m looking right through it
But I still can’t see ya booty, you better start tellin’ us
How your gluteus is so damn minimus.
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9. |
Elaine
03:17
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Elaine, you’re like a broken pedal bicycle; off the chain.
Your love is too big for tupperware; can’t be contained.
I can’t believe that I’m about to make love to Elaine.
Elaine, you’re like a generous French baker; giving me pain
Like website on a server; I’m in your domain
And I feel there’s no escaping you now, Elaine.
Because you give me shelter from the storm
Your smile is sweet, your castle warm
Your skin is see-through, teeth are long
Alarm bells ringing!
You say I’m just in time for dinner
I catch your eyeline in the mirror
On inspection, there’s no reflection, I lose my erection, hey!
Elaine, you sunk your teeth into me, now I’m in pain
You’re cranially adhesive; stuck on my brain.
Oh, please remove your fangs from my skull, Elaine.
Now you’re sieving the blood from my brain; it’s a mental strain, yeah
And you’re siphoning it into your own vertebral vein, yeah
Why the hell did I choose to holiday in Transylvan-yeah?
Boy, your skin looks so delicious
I just want to give you kisses
And by kisses obviously I mean
Draining the blood from your body.
Baby your my fantasy
Baby I just want to see
That blood run scarlet
Wait what’s that in your pocket
A clove of garlic - ahhHH!
Oh Elaine, you messed with a Vampire hunter, I should explain:
The villagers sent me here to see you slain.
Now the power of Christ compels you to die, Elaine.
(unspecified verbal junk)
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10. |
Overthunk
02:07
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What are you supposed to say
When a friend of yours is going to visit
Another one of their friends
Who you don’t know very well
But you have spoken once before
So you do say “send them my love”?
Cause that’s a fucking weird thing to say
To someone you only met once in Sainsbury’s
What are you supposed to say
When a friend of yours is going to visit
Another one of their friends
Who you don’t know very well
Do you say “send my regards”?
Cause that’s a fucking weird thing to say
You sound like a Victorian Vicar who hates women
(Who hates women)
What are you supposed to say
When a friend of yours is going to visit
Another one of their friends
Who you don’t know very well
Do you say “Say hi from me”
Cause that’s a fucking lame thing to say
What are they supposed to say in reply?
“Tell Archie that I also say hi”?
I’m the conversational embodiment
Of shaking someone’s hand when they try to fist bump
But that doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t try, oh yeah
It means I should just curl up and die
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11. |
Beard
02:35
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25 and things have changed yeah,
I’m a big boy now, and look my age, yeah
But part of me was kind of expecting more
Than three lonely hairs poking out of my jaw
I really thought that I’d have a beard by now
I really thought that I’d have a beard by now
I really thought
I really thought
At the GP, Doctor Jensen
Saying he can help with hair growth medicine
He takes out a needle, and fills it with meds
Then stabs it in his leg; through his tears he says:
I really thought that I’d have a beard by now
I really thought that I’d have a beard by now
I really thought
I really thought
Does it mean I’m not enough
If I don’t have pubes coming out of my face?
Does it mean I’m not enough
If my testosterone type is in lower case?
If my mouth warmth levels are in dire straits?
And all the fellas say
And all the fellas say
I want a place to keep all the food I don’t eat
And all the fellas say
I’d settle for a vaguely convincing moustache
And all the fellas say
We really thought that we’d have beards by now
They implied that we’d all have beards by now
We really thought
We really thought
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12. |
High Budget Boy
02:41
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I’ve been busy earning, in the office churning
Have I got a lotta dolla? You can bet your bottom stirling.
I’ve got cash for spending on you, a bit of retail cleansing
Phone suspending, computer ending, no machine unless it’s vending.
Spared no expense, I got that Bollinger on ice
Oooh, ooh, ooh, it’s cold
300 pence, I could’ve made a cheaper icy choice
But this type of ice was twice the price.
Ooh, you’re looking at a high budget boy
I’m earning and I wanna spoil ya
Ooh, you’re looking at a high budget boy
I think I just dropped my phone in the toilet.
Oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no.
It’s a brand new phone. Just try to ignore it
Global finance crisis, poles becoming iceless
Mindless fighters joining ISIS, these the times that will divide us.
You need a minute’s silence, baby I provide this
Quiet doesn’t cost the world in fact with me it’s fully priceless.
Oh baby, I’ve got my telephone in rice.
And do you, do you, do you know, that baby
You shouldn’t bin the grains, they still cook nice
And you can only slightly taste your device
Ooh, you’re looking at a high budget boy
I’m spending my time on your pleasure
Ooh, I recommend you add some sauce of soy
Cause it slightly hides the metallic flavour.
Ooh, you’re looking at a high budget boy
Ooh, you’re looking at a high budget boy
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13. |
Sexier
02:54
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I got something to tell you
I’m not as sexy as I first appear
Oh mademoiselle you’ve been deceived
My sexual magnetism isn’t sincere.
I hate to cause you total confusion
But baby my sexiness is an illusion
Something to tell you
I’m not as sexy as I first appear
I’m sexier
I’m sexier
Marginally sexier.
I’m sexier
Do I have to prove it to ya?
The big hunky boys are just haters
Of my imperceivable sexpertise.
They might look better on paper
But I guess that just means I must be saving trees
I know they’re good at macho hobbies like punching
And hunting and judo, and DJ and juggling
But all of those guys are just fakers
Because I can juggle with a greater sense of ease
Which makes me sexier
I’m sexier
2% percent sexier.
1.02 times sexier
Depending on your criteria.
Check it.
Now we - gotta - break it - down.
Other guys are fake and plastic, but baby I’m the real deal, I can make you feel real ah!
Decorticate this tall banana, you’ll reveal that it’s got sex appeal, I just can’t conceal
Other guys are fake and plastic, but baby I’m the real deal, I can make you feel real ah!
Decorticate banana, you’ll reveal that it’s got sex appeal, it's got sex appeal
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14. |
Sincerité
03:03
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People telling me to wear my feelings on my sleeve
But I’m rolled up to the elbow so you can’t perceive them, yeah
I’ve been using the amusing just to put up fences
But there’s something ‘bout this music breaking my defences
I’m trying out sincerity, yeah
I’m letting out all the feels.
No more joking with you baby, joking with you.
I’m trying out sincerity, yeah.
I can’t describe how it feels
To be open with you baby, open with you.
Real deep down we're all victims of our own opacity
All this love for the giving but our lovin’ won’t come free
Reel me down like you’re fishing for that perfect honesty
I’ve no love for a system that won’t encourage me
I’m trying out sincerity, yeah
I’m letting out all the feels.
No more joking with you baby, joking with you.
I’m trying out sincerity, yeah.
I can’t describe how it feels
To be open with you baby, open with you.
I’m trying out sincerity, yeah
I’m letting out all the feels.
No more joking with you baby, joking with you.
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Jazz Emu London, UK
Jazz Emu is a multi award-winning Sex Therapist with a proven track record. His therapy sessions have been featured on infamous music establishments such as Comic Relief, Sky, and BBC Radio 4. He also produces ground-breakingly sincere musical video content on Youtube. ... more
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