It’s 2005, and I’ve just fallen in love. That’s right.
Just because I’m only 11 years old, doesn’t mean I don’t know what making love feels like

It feels like eating a delicious cheeseburger. It feels like a cheeseburger
Or watching parkour videos for 3 hours straight on the internet
That’s what love feels like, I reckon.

I got home late, it’s a quarter to 8
I’m usually back at 5, but I had after-school swimming practice
My coach Mario is from Peru,
He’s so cool, he can make a funny bird noise with his mouth

And I know it’s breaking the rules to compute before my tea time (spag bol, no onions pls)
But girl you know I’m a fool for using hypermodern tools to commune with you online

I’ll be waiting on the MSN messenger
And we’re gonna raise the temperature
Girl it’s always triple X when I message ya
Cause I always put three kisses at the end of them (or 4 if I’m brave enough)

MSN messenger
Pretty sure I’m impressing ya
Every word abbreviated for your pleasure
I’m a SK8RBOI my TXT ABBRVS are always clear and DRTNPR

Hi
Hey
U k?
Gdgd, u?
Gdgd
Kl
G2g
K

If brevity’s the soul of wit, I must be
funniest motherflipper on this motherfrickin’ planet

You and me, communicating electronically
The pinnacle of modernity, man I can see this
Thing lasting for eternity and certainly
not being discontinued in 2013

Yeah there’s no way this tool could ever be replaced by something better, no
Cause what could be clearer than a doughnut appearing every time you try to type the letter O?

So just meet me on the MSN Messenger
There’s no message more instanter
You just type a winky face and then press enter
It’ll be there in a second or a minute if you’re still on dial-up

Fast forward to 2085.
Everything’s different, technology has accelerated beyond our wildest dreams.
You don’t even need a desktop computer to use MSN Messenger.
MSN Messenger pods rise up from the street. Many have had MSN messenger installed in their brain via microchips. You just think of a Nudge and it makes your friend’s head vibrate aggressively. This is the future.
And here I am, 90 years old. Just a hot old male with an old hotmail, and the exact same low res display picture, taken on my mother’s webcam in 2004. Waiting for groovychick95 to come back online.

You’re probably happy somewhere. Married to some sk8rboi93. Watching your little groovychick sk8rboi grandkids grow up. But know this. Technology rushes past us like a blink in the eye of a world that’s looking too far forward to see the now. But I’m still waiting here. Watching that little blobby blue man with no face and a butterfly on his head. Waiting for that little green dot that tell me you’ve come back to me. Watching. Waiting. On the MSN Messenger.