1. |
Prologue
01:23
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2. |
Still Waiting
03:23
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I’m a patient man
But there’s one thing I’ve been waiting for
My whole goddam life
My eyes are aching, man
But I can’t blink just case it falls
When I close my eyes
I know I should let go
But there’s a part of me that still hopes
It can do it
But every time it gets close
It double bounces off of both walls
Ugh! Ugh!
I’m still waiting for the
DVD logo
To hit the corner of my TV
This little baby’s driving me loco
Who knew a graphic could be cheeky? It’s just teasing me
My eyeballs are now crispy to the touch
(I can touch my own eyeball, is that normal?)
I want that
DVD logo
To hit the corner of my TV
I’m not a mad man
I do not spend my time exclusively
Watching my TV
I’ve got a webcam
So I can stare at it remotely
And discreetly
This has ruined my life
My wife divorced me, and she took all eight
Of our kids
I missed the birth of my child
But I just know it’ll be worth it
Not to miss
When that cheeky little
DVD logo
Hits the corner of my TV
Did you see that one? Oh heck it, that was so close.
I trained one eyeball to be lazy, so I can multi-see
My eyeballs are so crispy to the touch
(No amount of liquid can rehydrate them)
I need that
DVD logo
Hit the corner of my TV
Sometimes I wonder
What will happen when it hits?
Will the world stand still or fold into a dream?
Will the DVD logo come to life
And hold me like I held my wife?
I need the DVD logo
To hit the corner of the TV
I’m tired of this permanent prologue
Let me handle what i can see, i can nearly reach
Oh baby I can feel it
Something’s reeling in to me
So baby just keep dreaming
Don’t police your energy
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3. |
Shneeky Phase
02:36
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I’m in my Shneeky Phase
Gonna do something bad without you noticing
Woah I’m in my Shneeky Phase
Finna break all the rules so surreptitiously
Mmmm
No smoking sign out on the street
I’m hiding next to it with a haddock and aromatic charcoal
I’ll smoke where I want to
You gifted me some NFTs
But I took those tokens and I funged up every single one that you gave
I made them fungible
Got a hands-free phone but i’m holding it (shhh)
Here’s a no-show policy, yes i’m showing you it
No you ain’t never seen a shneek like me
At a bottomless brunch but I’ve got an ass (shh)
With a cup of sloe gin which I’m drinking fast
From a multipack I purchased separately
You can’t do that
I’m in my Shneeky Phase
Gonna do something bad without you noticing
Woah
I’m in my Shneeky Phase
I’m not going stand on the right hand side when I escalate
I will lie fully prone on the handrail
Knock knock, Who’s there?
It’s the FBI, we’ve come to find you
We’ve been training all our eyes
upon your shneekiness, shneekiness
We want to use you
If you’re wondering why, we’ve got some spies
Who need to learn from your advice in being
Shneeky yes.
Step one, take out your credit card
(okay)
Step two, read me out the long number
(here you go)
Step three, read me all the other details too
Here you go, I - Wait a second
You just. Got. Shnkeed.
My god he's good.
I’m in my Shneeky Phase
I’m in my Shneeky Phase
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4. |
You Would Never
01:57
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Oh no, this always happens
I get myself in trouble
Look where I'm standing
Nipple-deep in quicksand
I've been confusing lust for love and
You've been abusing all my trust I'm
Running out of time but there's just enough to
Get myself out
You've been feeding lies to me baby, uh oh
I've been open wide like a baby, ooh ooh ooh
Say that you would die for me baby, eeh eeh eeh
But you would never
You've been feeding lies to me baby, uh oh
I've been open wide like a baby, ooh ooh ooh
Say that you would die for me baby, eeh eeh eeh
But you would never
But you would never
Oh, it's fishing season
And you've hooked me on your pole
And now I'm grieving
For the roof of my mouth
I've been confusing lust for love and
You've been abusing all my trust I'm
Running out of time but there's just enough to
Get myself out
You've been feeding lies to me baby, uh oh
I've been open wide like a baby, ooh ooh ooh
Say that you would die for me baby, eeh eeh eeh
But you would never
You've been feeding lies to me baby, uh oh
I've been open wide like a baby, ooh ooh ooh
Say that you would die for me baby, eeh eeh eeh
But you would never
But you would never
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5. |
The Duality Of Man
03:51
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You’re coming home with me
And we can both feel there’s an alchemy
But when we get down to it, oh oh
I sense a softness in my anatomy down below
Oh no oh
You should come and look at my garage tonight
We could maybe save rumpy pumpy for another night,
Cause the mood feels right to keep our trousers on fully
I could really use a massage tonight
You know I’m really love some coitus, my joints are just feeling tight
From the last ten nights, when I made love successfully
Whacha doing bro?
Lying to avoid having to let them
Inside your frightened head, oh no
Let your ego go
You don’t need to hold it all together
When you know it would feel better to cry
To cry
No eye left dry
Won’t you cry?
Goodbye
Don’t say goodbye yet
You don’t have to go
Don’t say goodbye yet
I want you to know
This feeling I’m keeping inside for my own
So don’t say goodbye yet
Don’t say goodbye
I could really do with a hug tonight
I could really do with someone to hold me through the night
Say it's alright, say it's alright
I could really do with some love tongiht
I could really do with a tunnel to another life, to another life
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6. |
Tonally Inconsistent?!
03:52
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I could never fall asleep with you beside me
There was something in the way you breathed
That made me frightened
You had no respect for me
For my artistry
For my music
I don’t get what you mean you find it
tonally inconsistent
Everything I make is totally tonally coherent
It’s generically uniform
And uses the traditional instruments
If love is the question, then what is the answer?
If love is the question, then what is the answer?
If love is the question, then what is the answer?
Can you pat my bum
So you’ve been accusing me (it’s what i feared, oh)
Of writing music inconsistently
When you can clearly see (with both your earholes)
I pick one mood and then I stick to it
Chapter 4, the cursed bed knob
Okay I admit that that was
Possibly one slip
From being tonally consistent
But I’m fixing it, fixing it
Must i now embrace
That this is a problem i’ve been facing
Since the moment i started making
Music
Is that it, is that it?
Can my life having meaning
If my art is always cleaved
Between two matrices of being
Am I wasting it, wasting it
Must I now accept
That this artistic dialect
Is my fragmented ego manifesting
Time to quit, is it time to quit?
But the Bums! Don’t forget about the bums, Jazz
You know they’re funny to think about
You know they’re funny to sing about
We are your bums. We’re your bums.
How could i leave behind my bums,
You’re so funny to think about
And so witty to sing about
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7. |
English Language
01:41
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English Language
We’ve all had enough of you making it
Tough for us all to pronounce you
You need to pick a frickin’ lane
With the sounds you’re making
Like ‘ough’
It’s said how it’s spelt - psych
It’s oh, ow, oo, or, off, uff, uck or up
What the fough is ough with that?
English language
We’ve all had enoo of you making it too for us to pro-no-un-kay
It feels like you’re just taking the P
Out of pterodactyl to fough with us
Let’s talk about queue
That sounds already the first letter so what’s with the extra ‘UEUE’?
Are we just adding any old shit to the endings of words now?
In that case I’ll have the fish and chips.
And a packet of prawn cocktail crispstsch$-
Yes the dollar sign is silent.
Oh the hyphen? No that’s pronounced ough.
English Lanjuaje
We’ve all had enow of you making it tow for us to proshinulase
Why is the plural of mouse mice,
But we can’t live in semi-detached nice?
If you keep on laughing at me
You’re gonna drive me to commit manslaughter
And don’t even get me started on the place names
Chumlee? Woolsery?
Screw this I’m moving to France.
Oh sweet Jesus.
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8. |
Generic Response No. 327
02:34
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Hell to the no
No fucking way
I don’t fucking think so
You can get yourself to fuck
Would you like that gift wrapped?
Would you like me to repeat that?
Would you like to check the state off the FTSE?
Would you like to accept all cookies?
Would you like to speak to a human?
Would you like to save these children?
Would you like to be a teenager again?
Hell to the no
No fucking way
I don’t fucking think so
You can get yourself to fuck
You lost, would you like to play again?
You won, would you like to lose again?
Would you like an airdrop of my dick?
Would you like to meet hot mums in your area?
Would you like fries with that?
Would you like a moist towelette?
Would you like a brand new start?
Would you like to sample this organic egg?
Get your egg away from me
I don’t want to sample it
Refer it back to corporate
Their marketing has no effect
Hell to the no
No fucking way
I don’t fucking think so
You can get yourself to fuck
Hell to the no
No fucking way
I don’t fucking think so
You can get yourself to fuck
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9. |
Fabergé Egg
02:27
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You’re precious to me
Like a faberge egg
A delicacy
Like a faberge egg
But there’s a catch
Like a faberge egg
You’re hollow inside
Like a faberge egg
If I might say
You are like egg
To be specific
A Faberge, Faberge,
Just like that egg
You have round head
Can I please lick it
Apology, apology
You shine so bright
Like a faberge egg
Such curvy sides
Like a faberge egg
But you hold a lie
Like a faberge egg
You are not real egg
Like a faberge egg
Oh my my love
I am falling at your feet
Oh so elegant and beauty
I cannot quite computing
Oh my love
How much I long to eat
All your tasty-looking chocolate
With plastic toy on inside
All for me
You’re a kinder egg
Not a faberge egg
But a similar egg
To a faberge egg
You are twice as precious
As a faberge egg
Cause you taste delicious
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10. |
Monster Incorporated
01:47
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Chilling in a bar with your mates
You crack a little joke
It don’t go down great
But then your friend replies with a line
That gets the gang cracking up
And you’re left bereft
Well, here’s a way to ride out the vibe
And still look super-chill and stuff
Whisper under your breath
“I set you up for that one
No i’m not claiming your laugh
I just want writer’s credit for my half
I set you up for that one Geoff
That hearty chuckle you got
Was only possible because of what i said before
in many ways i should get full credit
I guess in many ways technically i said it
Let’s all sign this contracted which i’ve printed
Which states this bit of fun we just experienced
Should be exclusively and legally attributed to me
I want it publicly on record that i am the fun one here”
Post a funny viddy online
About stealing people’s jokes, you know that the song’s a vibe
But then you see that someone’s reply
has blown off the proverbial roof
Over 300 likes
But you know that they’re living a lie
It’s time that you expose the truth
So you @ them like
“I set you up for that one
You think that said that yourself?
I mean yes technically you did but if really think
you’ll see it was made possible
By someone else (Me!)
I set you up for that one SexyGoblin69
Okay your username is funny
But I draw the line
At riffing on a joke without invitation
You’re edging pretty close to plagiarism
Did you know they beat up criminals in prison
Who claim a joke is theirs when it isn’t?
I didn’t want to have to do this but you’re leaving me no choice
I’ll delete my whole channel before of it becomes yours
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11. |
One Of The Good Ones
02:58
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The modern masculine
Repressed, aggressive, desensitized
Me, I’m not like him
Respectful, gentle, check my Styles
Granny necklace upon my neck? Check
One dangly earring from Tibet? Yes
Fingernail paint, I guess
there’s no question
I must be one of the good ones
(come and fix me girl, I’m so broken)
I must be one of the good ones
(stay away from me girl, I’m unfixable)
Allyship is all
About listening to women’s thoughts
And I can tell you all
About that over a drink at yours
How could I be The Bad Guy? My trousers are tight
Yes I’m a walking red flag, but I’m wearing a Pride one,
But if someone implies that I'm gay I will fight them, right now
I must be one of the good ones
(Yes I’m sensitive, but in a way that makes me extremely physically strong)
I must be one of the good ones
(My t-shirt? Oh it says “This is what a feminist looks like”. Yes it’s pointing at me)
Putting on a dress that’s so freaking brave of ya
OMG obsessed with that cute behaviour,
Never had to stress it might lead to danger yeah,
You are the saviour, you are the saviour
(He must be one of good ones)
Do the right thing, admit that you’re faking it
Fucking little shit go fix your behaviour
Yes we know best so fit to the labelling
Fit to the labelling
Fit to the labelling
(We must be some of the good ones)
Putting on a dress that’s so freaking brave of ya
OMG obsessed with that cute behaviour,
Never had to stress it might lead to danger yeah,
You are the saviour, you are the saviour
(He must be one of good ones)
Do the right thing, admit that you’re faking it
Fucking little shit go fix your behaviour
Yes we know best so fit to the labelling
Fit to the labelling
Fit to the labelling
(We must be some of the good ones)
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12. |
Hummingbird
04:12
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It’s a story old as time
Write a line that doesn’t rhyme
And resign to being nothing more than adequate
Snap your feelings to the grid
Man they’ll never know you did
You were flying now you’re
Vying for a fix for it
Giving life to a seed of doubt
That the fire in your hearth is out
Hey little Hummingbird
Won’t you give me a sign
That there’s still life, there’s still life in you?
Hey little Hummingbird won’t you hum me a line?
Sing that ancient tune.
Throw that feeling to the wind
Push your head under the sand
Did you really think
You’re any more than adequate?
Drink the pickle that you’re in
Bend your frown into a grin
Turn your inside out
Was that the plan for getting it?
Diving headfirst into clout
But the ends are both shallow now
Hey little Hummingbird
Won’t you give me a sign
That there’s still life, there’s still life in you?
Hey little Hummingbird won’t you hum me a line?
Sing that ancient tune.
Hummingbird, say the word,
And I can pull the plug on you
Hummingbird, say the word,
I could pull the rug from under you
If i wasn’t so dug far into you
Hey little Hummingbird
Won’t you give me a sign
That there’s still life, there’s still life in you?
Hey little Hummingbird won’t you hum me a line?
Sing that ancient tune.
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13. |
Digital Spool
03:04
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Hahaha
You know that feeling when
A goblin has been stalking you?
We’ve all been there!
Hahaha
And you know that feeling when
You choose to write a song about it
Am I right?
Am I wrong
To do this just for me?
And act like I’m not
Permanently wondering
Do you feel me?
Is this relatable?
Do the things I say to you
make you agree?
Cause I need it.
To find a way to you;
Make you find my point of view
Sympathetic.
Do you feel me
Is it relatable
All the things I make for you
Here in my room?
Is there meaning
In what say for you?
Or is it a waste of good
Digital Spool?
Digital Spool
Everything you make
Is your inner passions seeking an expression
So was it a mistake
To make a goblin my primary mental obsession
Do you feel me
Is that relatable?
Are these concepts scalable
for the market
Should I heed it
And make me salable
Make my work sustainable
Or just fuck it
Cause I feel it
It feels relatable
All this shit I make for you
Here in my room
Cause there’s meaning
In finding ways to you
Do you like the taste of good
Digital Spool?
Digital Spool
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14. |
Epilogue
02:30
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I think we're in the clear now
Nothing could possibly go wrong
Yeah we're in the clear now
Yeah we're in the clear now
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Jazz Emu London, UK
Jazz Emu is a multi award-winning Sex Therapist with a proven track record. His therapy sessions have been featured on infamous music establishments such as Comic Relief, Sky, and BBC Radio 4. He also produces ground-breakingly sincere musical video content on Youtube. ... more
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